Voddie Baucham on dating

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Voddie Baucham is an American pastor, father of 9 children and has some very, very challenging teachings on relationships and dating. Here are 10 thought-provoking quotes of his from different sermons and interviews (if you want to hear one of his interviews, click here):

1. On modern dating culture…

Modern [boyfriend/girlfriend culture] is glorified divorce practice. It’s learning how to give yourself away to people repeatedly and then take yourself back.

2. On biblical relationships…

In the Bible you have betrothal, you have marriage, you have relationships between individuals who intend to marry. You don’t have this idea of people who just “kick-it” because they like each other for right now. That’s how you end up with the wrong one. You get involved before you evaluate. That’s a serious problem.

3. On “exploring” a relationship…

You say she’s your girlfriend, you’re monogamous, you’re together and at the same time you’re “exploring”. Here’s what that sounds like: I went to the car lot and I took this car home. I’m driving it now to see if it’s ultimately going to be the right car for me. Now if it’s not the right car for me I’m going to take it back to the lot. It’ll now be used. I’m going to take it back so that someone else can enjoy that car and I’m going to go do the same thing with another car.

4. On the desire to be married…

God is the one who awakens in us a yearning and a desire to be married. You know what’s sad; there are so many people in our culture who treat that like it’s a sin.

Note: He was discussing a healthy desire in the above quote, not an idolatrous desire.

5. On dating before you’re ready…

People who are not ready to be married who put themselves in dating situations are like people who go shopping without any money. You’re either going to leave frustrated or take something that doesn’t belong to you.

6. On the destructiveness of modern dating practices…

Here’s what happening all over our culture. People are getting into relationships, saying “it takes a while to figure this thing out”. Next thing you know it’s been a year, it’s been 2 years and it’s really not happening. So you’re either going to marry someone because you’ve invested so much time or you going to walk away and you’ve stolen 2 years of their life. Now they’ve got to wait because they’re hurt, they got to heal, then they go get into another relationship. You can see, if that happens just a few times…you’re looking at our sisters who are out there in their mid-thirties, late-thirties, never been married but they got this scar tissue built up around their hearts.

7. On purposefully delaying marriage…

The following quote was taken from a discussion on how in the west we are on average getting married a lot later (because of careers, travelling, fear of commitment, individualism etc.) and using the “gift of singleness” as an excuse.

If you have this gift of singleness according to first Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19 it’s a calling for life. It’s not an excuse to put off marriage while you go do other things…To intentionally extend your singleness is an abuse of the text…It’s saying I will suck all the joy and meaning out of life and then I’ll be ready to marry you and die.

8. On preparing for marriage…

This is how [some people] understand preparation. Preparation is experiencing relationships with different [people] so that you can prepare yourself to give yourself to one. If you have enough relational experiences it makes you better prepared so that when you get into marriage it will be a smoother ride. News flash. If you want a smoother ride you need to go into marriage with fewer past relationships rather than more. The more relationships we have had, the more jaded and callous we become, the more we hurt our levels of trust and the more we get used to giving ourselves to someone and walking away.

9. On knowing what we’re looking for…

We need to have a clear picture of what we’re biblically looking for [in a man] so that we’re making objective decisions, prayerful decisions with the scriptures open, and not just getting emotionally involved and attached and then hoping it turns out to be good.

10. On the value of women…

What man is dumb enough to give the keys to a $200,000 sports car to a 16 year old? Here is my question. What man is dumb enough to think his daughter is worth less? I’d much sooner give up the keys to a $200,000 car then take the chance on some young man manipulating and abusing the emotions of my daughter.

Challenging right? If you are interested to know more, our article, “A culture of stirred up love“, looks at how we can escape the pitfalls of the modern, western relationship culture that’s so prevalent in our churches. [Rowina Seidler]

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