We are called to guard our hearts…”Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23)…but often that is easier said than done. Here are 7 reasons why we should guard our hearts while being pursued by a man.  Hopefully they will remain a reminder to us if we are tempted to let our hearts go.

1. It takes time to see a man’s character

Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? (Proverbs 20:6)

There are plenty of men out there who put on a good front but have some major character weaknesses. This is even true of men who preach, evangelize and lead Bible studies. If we don’t guard our hearts we could fall for a man that we would have stayed clear of if we had known his nature. Once we are in love it is far harder to walk away from a person who is not in a state to marry us. Guarding our heart enables us to keep our eyes wide open as we are pursued so that we can walk away if need be.

2. Can prevent us from losing self-control

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls. (Proverbs 25:28 )

Unguarded hearts can lead to unrestrained passionate emotions. With such emotions we become less able to control ourselves and are far more likely to feel obsessed, clingy, desperate etc. Moreover, we are far less able to think clearly and rationally.  Such lack of self-control, as well as being sinful, can overwhelm a man and potentially drive him away. In addition, we need to keep our heart focused on Christ and such uncontrolled behaviour will make that task very difficult. By guarding our hearts are better able to remain peaceful, patient, carefree and joyful as we are pursued and keep God first.

3. We might not be well suited to each other

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3)

What if he wants 10 children and we only want 2? What if he wants to be a missionary in India and we never want to leave England? What if he wants to take a job where he would be internationally commuting each week and we want to be married to someone who we see everyday?! Would we still want to marry him? Probably not. To find out how suited we are to a man takes time and by guarding our hearts we are better able to judge compatibility without the rose tinted glasses of abandoned love.  Furthermore, by guarding our hearts and acting accordingly we help protect our pursuer’s heart if we end up deciding we are not suited.  If he really likes us and we act very passionate and affectionate towards him, we are giving him great hope and encouraging him to stir up love.  If we then decide that we are not compatible enough, we could end up hurting him greatly.  Thus, guarding our hearts is a way to love our brothers in Christ.

4. Men don’t always know what they are looking for

A man could be looking for a virtuous girl while ignoring physical attraction. He ends up pursuing a girl he is not that attracted to and realizes she is not what he is looking for. On the other hand, a man may be looking for a girl he is very attracted to, find her and realize that without having much in common, she also is not what he desires. Men can be looking for a woman who is an independent career girl to find out they actually want more of a homemaking type or be looking for a foreign woman to find out that they would really prefer someone from their own country. By guarding our hearts we can protect ourselves from heart break while the man is figuring out if he wants to marry us or not.

5. Helps keep us from being the pursuer or leading him

[The LORD said…] Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. (Jeremiah 29:6)

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:23)

The biblical pattern is

  • men taking wives
  • father’s taking wives for their son’s
  • father’s giving their daughters to men as wives.

Never do you see women taking men for husbands. Furthermore men are to be the head in marriage. Thus we can see that in the Bible men seem to have the role of being the leaders and pursuers in romantic relationships (If you are not convinced…read these other scriptures). When we try to pursue and lead a man it takes away his role. This can very often put a man off us completely or it can encourage him to take a passive role, which is never great! How does not guarding our hearts make it more likely we will pursue men? Well, when we don’t guard our hearts and love gets more and more stirred up, our desire to spend time with him, grow closer to him and get married to him grows in intensity. Thus guarding our heart helps us keep our desires in check and be better able to stay calm, relaxed and let him lead and pursue.

6. Our hearts should be saved for our husbands (if we are to get married)

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. (Song of Solomon 8:4)

It is not God’s ideal plan for us to have been head over heals in love with men we don’t marry and by not guarding our hearts we can easily end up doing just that. The right time for love to be fully stirred up and for us to completely set our hearts free is within marriage. By guarding our hearts we can keep them for our husbands if we do end up getting married and stop ourselves from potentially falling for other people’s future husbands.  If we have not guarded our hearts in the past we need not feel condemned but rather repent and make the decision to not let it happen again.

7. Christ should remain our priority

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. (Mark 12:30)

It is so easy to not keep God first. Loving God is our greatest command and greatest battle. By not guarding our hearts, we can lose direction and focus and end up taking our eyes off Jesus and loving another with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. By guarding our hearts, we keep them for Christ!

Do you agree or disagree?  Can you think of any more reasons why we should guard our hearts?  Let us know by commenting below. [Rowina Seidler]